True Power is an illusive thing. The wisdom-keepers tell us women naturally embody Power. In their desire to claim it for themselves, many men resort to bullying. So what is Power, and why do so many crave it?
We have all heard the cliche, “Behind every successful man is a powerful woman.” Could this be the clue? Are women more powerful than men? Is this what men are secretively afraid of, and why they so often need to resort to bullying in order to "prove" themselves? And if so, what can men do about it (other than bullying and intimidating others as they have over the centuries)? As it turns out, there is plenty men can do.
PS: This article is for women too!
Yes, many men do crave power
How often do we see men competing to be in positions of power? The ultimate position in the US, is the president. And in religious organizations it is the head of the church. We say, “These are powerful men.” But are they really?
It all depends what is meant by power
We often confuse positions of power for positions of dominance and control. It is easy to mistakenly admire men who have secretly intimidated and manipulated others on their way to the top of their organizations. We often only recognize their achievements and overlook how they got there. However, men do have unique qualities that certainly can support them in achieving amazing things.
So how do we define power?
It depends on how you spell power. When spelled with a small ‘p’ as in power, it is defined as “the ability to do something or act in a particular way, especially as a faculty or quality.” So, when we talk about a powerful man, when spelled with a small ‘p’, we are saying nothing more than he has the ability to act in a certain way, for example, to chop wood or lead an organization.
On the other hand, when power is spelled with a capital ‘P’ as in Power it has a completely different meaning. In the West, this can be a difficult concept to understand as it is an energy, and we are generally not very good at connecting with energy, preferring to fixate instead on the material world. The Eastern philosophies have known about this for a very, very long time.
They recognize Power is a quality of the Divine Feminine. For example, in Hinduism she would be called the goddess Shakti. This is described very nicely here. The author explains, “Shakti means power, energy, or force. Mythologically, Shakti is always described as feminine, often personified as the goddess, Devi, the divine feminine consort of the divine masculine god Shiva.”
In other words, Power is a female affair! Women naturally embody Power. Men do not. I am certain most men have been on the receiving end of a withering glare from a woman. It does not matter she may only be four feet six inches tall—she will stop a six foot man in his tracks with that look! This is what Power looks like and feels like. And don’t forget, “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!”
However, men, do not fret. Men naturally embody Strength, which is harnessed through single-minded focus. Strength is archetypally a male affair. After all, we compete in bar-room brawls and ring-the-bell ego-based type contents to determine who has the greatest strength. We don’t see women doing this, for a reason.
I believe when we talk about a strong woman, we really mean a Powerful woman, unless she is an athlete in which case she has both strength and Power.
Power is an attribute of the Divine Feminine, and Strength is an attribute of the Sacred Masculine.
The good news is we all embody an aspect of both Power and Strength—no one is exclusively just one or the other. Perhaps the only woman to embody exclusively Power was Eve, and the only man to embody exclusively Strength was Adam. But that was an eternity ago.
Naturally, most women embody more of the Divine Feminine than the Sacred Masculine. Equally, most men embody more of the Sacred Masculine than the Divine Feminine.
However, it is not uncommon for these ratios in individuals to be flipped around, but that is a whole different discussion for another blog! Paradoxically, the ideal hu-man is one who embodies equally Power and Strength. There are very few of them around. We call these people “prefect double beings”.
So where do men get Power from?
If we men have not done our personal work to reunite with the Divine Feminine within, we instead go out and steal Power from women. It’s that simple. Just use your attribute of Strength to bully and threaten her, and as she shrinks back she automatically hands her Power over to you. You win, she loses. The current press is full of examples of women finding the courage to stand up to bullies. The #MeToo movement is a classic example of how this is currently playing out.
As these women reclaim their Power from thieving men, those men energetically become enfeebled. Their whole being seems to collapse before our eyes—their source of Power has been shut off! Some will continue to lash out and bully further, but in time they too will need to confront the inevitable.
There is a better way—A case study
In my private work with men, I encourage them to focus on integrating with the Divine Feminine within themselves. Some are terrified this will turn them gay! I just laugh when I hear that, as this is impossible. They either are gay or are not gay before we start—they cannot be turned!
As an example, a young man came to see me as he was having intimacy issues (with women). He was what some would call a man’s man, whatever that really means. He would go out to the bars, get drunk, pick up a woman for the night, and then discard her. He was not proud of his behavior, but he was addicted to it. I suggested what he was really addicted to was the Power he was draining from these women on each encounter.
I then suggested he instead learn to connect directly to the unlimited source of Power within, so he no longer needed to drain women. I told him that once he had learnt to do that, he could see women as equals and not some object to be conquered, and then discarded. He could start to treat women with respect. This sounded like a good idea to him, so we continued.
He initially came to see me believing he needed to work on his Strength so he could better exercise self-control. I am a “seer” meaning I can see the energy body around people. In this client’s instance he was about 80% Sacred Masculine and only about 20% Divine Feminine.
I also shared that this ratio is essentially fixed at birth, this being a choice the soul makes coming in in this incarnation.
Because he was utterly denying even the 20% Divine Feminine within himself, and as the ratio is fixed, in his case at 80/20, there was little chance he could further enhance the quality of the Sacred Masculine he was seeking, namely more Strength. His weak Divine Feminine energy was holding him back.
The only way he was going to heal, was to recognize and build the Divine Feminine within himself, and by doing that, he would rapidly build the Strength he needed to begin to show respect to women.
He agreed, and we worked together over a period of several months. Today this man is totally transformed and has found a perfect life partner, a woman who matches his level of Strength with an equal level of her Power.
For my male readers, it is critical you do your work on building direct connection to the source of Power, the Divine Feminine within you. If you fail to do this, you will continue to be a bully as stealing is the only other way to get Power. And we all need Power to survive. So, I encourage men to step up and take personal responsibility for their own healing. And I encourage women to bring this to men’s attention and guide them, gently. If we don’t do this, disharmony will continue.
The healed man
A well-integrated man displays respect, compassion, empathy, support, does not feel a need to compete against women, is nurturing and is loving. Furthermore, instead of aspiring to single-minded dominance, he welcomes collaboration. He learns to let go of his boyhood ways. He is no longer the man-child blaming everyone and everything around him for his hardships, and instead becomes the man.
From Your Return to Freedom—A practical Guide to Finding Lasting Inner Peace:
“I can only call myself a man when I stop complaining I am a victim of my circumstances and instead take full responsibility for all my thoughts, deeds and actions. Until then, while I may physically no longer be a child, I am still trapped in my boyhood ways and do not deserve the label of man. As a man, I take personal responsibility for all I do to myself, to others and to the physical environment in which I live. I am fully accountable for all I do.”
Men, get this right, and not only will you become extraordinarily powerful beings, but you will also win the respect and admiration of the women around you.
• Contact me directly by replying to this blog to find out more
• Go to my web site to learn about my work
• Read my book, Your Return to Freedom—A Practical Guide to Finding Lasting Inner Peace
Be Strong, and become Powerful,
Meet the Author
Nigel B. Patterson was born in Tanzania, Africa and has lived in four countries across three continents. A significant life-crisis at the age of thirty-five shattered his carefully constructed ego-based self, and propelled him onto the path of the spiritual warrior. Today he is an author, coach and spiritual teacher living in Hawaii. He supports clients around the globe in their quest for freedom.